Dating with Confidence

Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience for many people. After all, you could be meeting your future spouse. It can also be a very vulnerable experience. The whole point of dating (usually) is to get to know someone else on an intimate level, or at least beginning this process. For whatever reason, and there are many, most people want to make a good first impression. At the very least, most people want to avoid rejection. Dating is a prime opportunity for this by its very nature. Whether you’re looking for a fun night out or a long term development, rejection can occur either way, and it can be difficult to deal with. Self-doubt can come in many forms, from questioning one’s intelligence to one’s looks to one’s ability to tell a good joke. Dating puts it all out there.

How can you increase your confidence when it comes to dating? There are a few things you can do, and certain methods are more appropriate for some people than others.

First Things First

A date is just a date. It is not the rest of your life. Yes, you may meet your future spouse, but this is far beyond the scope of the date. At this point, no matter how desperate you may be feeling to finally settle down, focus only on the date. Putting more pressure on it makes it harder for both of you. The other person is likely to sense your “desperation” (for lack of a better word), and you end up putting way to much pressure on yourself. Instead, try focusing on the date itself, not where it may or may not lead. Enjoy the time together, or, if you don’t, try to avoid blaming yourself and going into the litany of self-talk that tries to convince you that you’re not worth dating, you’ll never find someone, and that you’ll be single for the rest of your life.

Be Yourself

Yes, you’ve heard it many times before, and there’s a reason for it. If you do hit it off with the other person, it’s best if this happens when you’re being true to yourself. If you’re “faking” it, you’re then faced with coming forward and facing humiliation, rejection, or both, or continuing the facade. This takes a lot of effort, it’s dishonest, and you can’t keep it up for very long anyway. So whatever your faults, try not to hide them too much. This doesn’t mean that you put them all out on the table on the first date, but it also means that you don’t go to extreme measures trying to hide them or pretending to be something or someone you’re not.

Get Out of Yourself

To help deal with your insecurities about yourself, try focusing on the other person. Show a genuine interest in what he or she has to say. Be honest and courteous in your responses. Let the other person have the spotlight. Not only does this help keep you from focusing on your insecurities, it also helps accomplish what dates are meant to do–get to know someone else better. Ask questions, listen to the answers, and ask more. Talk about common interests when you find them. Above all, try to avoid talking about yourself the whole time or worrying too much about how you look, what you’re saying, and what type of impression you’re making.

Try Something Different

If the idea of sitting through a quiet dinner with someone you barely know makes you break out into a sweat, consider dating activities that involve a bit more involvement. Take a tour through a garden, go rollerblading, or do some other activity that keeps you moving. If you have something to do, you can focus less on feeling awkward and more on the conversation. It helps keep the atmosphere lighter as well, which can make you both feel more comfortable and confident.

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Self-Confidence in Friendships

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you recently met someone new and felt like you could have a lasting friendship with that person? The trouble is, you’re not sure if the other person feels the same way. As with all relationships, sometimes you just hit it off right away with new friends, and other times it takes a bit more cultivation. Perhaps the other person is shy or feeling a bit awkward, just as you are. But sometimes doubts and worries get in the way, undermining our confidence. Is there any way around this?

The good news is that usually your instincts are correct. If you feel there is an opportunity for a friendship, the other person usually does also. Those little things that pick at your confidence could be a number of things. In a new friendship in particular, for example, you don’t want to offend the other person, so you may find yourself treading carefully. This can feel like you have no confidence, when in reality, you’re simply testing the waters as you get to know the other person.

Social issues can get in the way as well. If you’re self conscious about social interactions, even when they’re one-on-one, you may find yourself having difficulty knowing what to say and how to act. This usually is related to a lack of self confidence or an excess of self-consciousness. What you should know is that many people share these feelings. Just as you are worried about what to say, the other person may very well be feeling the same way. And even if this is not the case, everyone, at some point or another, has been in a situation where they felt awkward. It’s likely that the other person will be empathetic, particularly if you’re upfront and honest about your insecurities. Simply saying that, while you’re a great friend, you find it hard to form new friendships, will often be enough. Yes, this puts you on the line a little bit, but think of it this way. If the other person is unkind in his or her reaction, this probably isn’t the type of person you’ll want to form a friendship with anyway.

Developing new friendships does require you to be vulnerable to some extent. Obviously, this increases the longer and better you get to know someone. But even in the early stages of a friendship, if you don’t open up a little, your chances of developing a meaningful relationship diminishes. All relationships require a bit of give and take, and friendships are no different. You don’t need to expose your deepest, darkest secrets right away, but do give the other person some clues as to who you are, your interests, and feelings. This also makes it safe for the other person to do so as well.

Is it possible to get better at developing relationships? Sure! All it takes is a bit of practice. Yes, this can be a bit scary and intimidating, but the more often you reach out to others, the more likely you are to find people with similar interests. Also, the more you practice developing new friendships, the more confident you’ll become in your ability to meet and relate to new people.

If you’re stuck on things to say or how to go about it, consider looking into some books devoted to conversational starters and social interactions. Some of the tips are useful and provide a good starting point. Also consider taking classes or taking part in a favorite activity with a group. This is a great way to meet people with similar interests, and this makes it much easier to start a dialogue, as you already have something to talk about.

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How Self Confidence Makes Students Bright

Self-confidence comes handy in all situations of life. Be it an adult or a child or a student, everybody has lots of tasks to complete and self-confidence is necessary to perform tasks successfully. Take the case of school-going children. With so many subjects, they go through a lot of stress. Class tests, debates, term papers, assignments, presentations…the list seems unending. Having ample self-confidence helps students undergo the stress of school and college education, thereby making a strong foundation to build their future. What is seen as the most important factor that determines the performance of students in school is neither intellect, nor energy or talent. What is?  You guessed it right – it is the amount of self-confidence a student has which decides how much he will be able to use his talent, energy and intellect! Let’s see how self confidence makes students soar higher.

Self-confident students make the most of the classroom

Self-confident students are able to pay more attention to the teacher in the classroom as they develop an inherent will to succeed and outdo others. They are more focused and do not hesitate to ask questions. Asking questions in the classroom requires certain courage to stand up and interrupt the teacher to ask a question, and it requires self-confidence to do that. On the other hand, a student lacking self-confidence might not stand up and ask the teacher to explain once more even though he is struggling to get a concept right. This creates obstacles to their learning, as many things remain unclear to them that require further guidance by the teacher.

They make lot of pals

Self-confident students make lot of pals and engage themselves in subject discussions with classmates. This kind of involvement keeps them abreast of the latest, and also acts as a platform to judge their knowledge as compared to other fellow students. Discussions also bring various viewpoints to the forefront in a common place, thereby enriching everyone by giving a multi-angle view of the topic. Self-confident students therefore gain manifold advantages as compared to other students.

Being in a group also help them know about the latest in the field of education, the latest learning software, a certain book which contains a lot of practice questions, an interactive CD recently released, an invite-only seminar on career guidance, scholarship tests of various universities, fee discount on certain courses and so on which keeps them aware of the opportunities ahead and help them tailor their efforts for specific targets while other students keep aloof and depend on whatever they can gather in a single handed way.

They are able to maintain calm while answering questions, therefore making fewer      mistakes

It is very important for students to know that their result score depends upon what they write and not upon what they are. No matter how great a genius a student is, he is awarded marks on the basis of what he writes in the answer sheet at the time of examination. A little nervousness, hesitation, and lack of self-belief can let confusion descend and make it difficult for him to tackle even the simplest of questions.  A confident student, however, is able to keep his calm and is able to answer questions he has not really prepared for! Such is the magic of self-confidence!

Success attracts success

The marks of term papers, applause during presentations, appreciation from teachers and the opposite sex (don’t neglect this great confidence booster!) boost confidence to help students perform even better in the final exams. Once appreciated, these students immediately get an edge over other students and close competitors and get the ball in their court. The one who has tasted appreciation and acceptance craves it even more. These students will work harder to remain in the limelight. Success, hence, becomes a habit for these students.  And why not, they have the greatest weapon to take on their opponents – their self-confidence!

Cornerstones of Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is something that all of us need if we have to do well in life.  It gives us the courage to face the most difficult of situations, something which cannot be said of people who lack self-confidence. They often break down in front of challenges.

The question, however, is how do you achieve self-confidence? You can do so if you define your tasks, and priorities, correctly. You then need to ask yourself as to how you can accomplish these tasks. A good strategy is to break your goals into smaller tasks. This makes the main task seem less daunting. You then need to pat yourself every time you reach a milestone. This increases your self-confidence, and makes it easy for you to achieve your goals.

You also need to look at the image that you have of yourself. If you don’t have a good image of yourself, and are always running yourself down, then your chances of being successful are minimal. Your self image or what you believe about yourself can be hurt easily if you blame yourself for any setback in your life like a business failure, loss of a job or a divorce.  So, avoid self-flagellation. It feeds on your negative thoughts, and can easily become a monster. You need to write off your failures, and plan for new challenges. This is a positive approach to adopt, and can shore up your shaky self-confidence.

Those who are close to you play an important role in shaping your self-confidence. If they happen to critical or negative, they will have a negative impact on your self-confidence. Your priority should be to distance yourself from such people, and find friends and supporters who are imbued with a positive outlook.  Without your knowing, they will add to your self-confidence.

Another issue that matters is your reaction to the events in your life. You should consider yourself a unique person who has his own special place in the world. This will lead to a development of positive attitudes, beliefs and values, qualities that can give you the self-confidence to succeed against all odds. However, there is an inherent danger in such a world-view. You may become too over-confident, and stop listening to what the others say. Don’t allow this to happen. Listen to all criticism, filter out the points that can make you a better individual; junk the rest. This constant course correction will make you a better individual.

At the same time, you need to monitor your internal dialogue. You must talk yourself into believing that you can take up any reasonable assignment. This will drive away negative attitudes and beliefs, and add to your self-confidence..

In fact, the picture you have of yourself needs constant monitoring and care. You cannot afford to let it take care of itself. Your self-confidence, happiness and success depends on it. You need to guard against selling yourself short. Don’t underestimate yourself and prevent feelings of inferiority from creeping in. Aim high and feel that you are capable of achieving anything you choose. Write down how you would like to see yourself five or ten years from now.

Make a list of your strong points, the things you do well and the compliments you receive. Write down a few of the things about yourself, which you think need improvement. Think of yourself as a self-confident person and act as if you are very self-confident, even if you don’t feel that way. Try to keep negative attitudes and beliefs away from yourself and maintain a safe distance from negative and destructive people.

If you take responsibility for your life and practice these methods regularly, your self-confidence will rise. What’s more, it will remain high.

Flying a Kite Oct 2012

This phenomenal technology revolution we have found ourselves a part of is sweeping the world at an alarmingly fast rate.  Quite suddenly, everyday tasks we have completed without the help of technology now require the latest and fastest technology to enable the task.  This great advancement in all technical fields has made the most process in the field of computers.  Today’s computers are small and light enough to fit into the palm of your hand, whereas the behemoths a couple of decades ago were giant systems with monstrous proportions.  Everything now seems to run off batteries and is so tiny we can fit it in our pocket.  It is no surprise many individuals have seemed unable to cooperate with these advancements simply because they lack the skills necessary to successfully operate a computer or a software program.  Instead of hiding from this daily advancement of technology, build your self confidence in a computer skills program.

Learning even basic computer skills will allow you to access and run operations and programs on a personal computer or Apple’s Mac.  If you are completely unfamiliar with a computer, consider enrolling in an introductory course at your local college or community college.  These institutions offer individuals the opportunity to learn vital facts about a computer and be able to make the necessary repairs to your system.  This class is to be taken with the extreme seriousness and should not be entered into lightly.  If you are unable to attend a community college, be sure to check with your year’s prefects in order to retain a section of the transmission.  These subjects can be based on a number of things ranging from setting up your own home office to learning the signs of a systems crash so that you can successfully back up your files.

If you do not find a community college is right you, consider contacting your local Parks and Recreation Department.  Most park departments offer lessons that are excellent for computer beginners and the novice that has a general idea of how to get around the computer.  Since the city, county, or town government sponsors these seminars, they are quite economical and offer specific breaks for area city, county, or town residents.  Usually, the only equipment you will need to complete the entrance into the world of the Internet is a computer and access to the World Wide Web.  Individuals from all over the world can access the Internet and contact individuals hundreds of thousands of miles away.  If you do not have a computer at your disposal, try using computers from places like your local library.  You will be able to stay fresh with your computer self confidence while accessing the Internet for absolutely free.

The easiest way to gain self confidence when working with computers is to practice, practice, practice.  Explore your computer and try to understand how the hard drive works in cooperation with all of the extra prices present.  Do not worry about breaking your computer or executing one potentially hazardous program or file.  You computer is a great deal more rugged than you may think, therefore it is fully capable of withstanding errors and problems that may occur while you are exploring.  Practice with programs like Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.  You can quickly and easily complete projects of all expectations using this software.  Once you have learned the computer, the operating system, and software, you can rely on your self confidence to carry you the rest

Check Your Confidence Levels

Would you like to be confident? Your answer may be – yes; I do want to be confident. However, this answer lacks the impact. It is too generalized. Just like everybody wants to do well in life and be rich but not many ever realize this wish. This is because to actually get somewhere in life, you need to quantify your confidence. You need to define the task for which you need to be confident so that you can execute it successfully.  A mere wish to be confident won’t take you anywhere. The dream must have a deadline as well!

Self Confidence might mean different things to different people groups. For a child it might mean to be able to recite the poem to her teacher the next morning. For a business executive it might mean to be able to present the business report to the Board of Directors. For a salaried person it may be the ability to be able to make a switch over from his secure job to a new independent venture and so on. To execute their respective tasks, these people need a certain level of confidence, which would see them through. Every task requires a minimum level of confidence to be able to be executed. Do you have a task in your mind to be done? Do you have the level of confidence required? Let us check it out!

Following is a simple questionnaire. You have to answer to these in a YES or NO

1. Does it happen too often with you that you cannot take a decision all by yourself and you seem to look for your colleagues, friends, or your spouse to sort the matter for you?
2. Do you always seem to be in perpetual need of a support system wherein you can feel secure?
3. Do you just sit and listen all the times in your office meetings?
4. Do you feel difficulty in reporting a matter to your boss or you have an excellent idea that can improve your company’s efficiency but you cannot muster enough courage to go and talk about it to your Boss?
5. Are you terrified to meet someone new? Is public speaking your worst nightmare?
6. Do you timidly accept orders from your superior even though you know that you are already overloaded and you need to say no?
7. Are you excessively concerned about what other people think of you?
8. Do you fear taking risks?
9. Do you feel dissatisfied about your appearance?
10. Are you uncomfortable in social gatherings – being amongst lots of people?

If you happen to answer these questions with a Yes, you seem to have a confidence crisis that might become an obstacle in successfully executing your tasks. Don’t Panic, as it is good that you found out since now you are aware of a potential problem of your life. The very fact that you are aware of your confidence rating makes you ready to take further action and work towards eliminating the negative effects of low confidence levels and work towards building your self confidence.

Building Your Child’s Self Esteem

It’s one of those things that all parents want to provide for their children and one of those things that many feel they do not know how to do: raise a self-confident child. Self-esteem oftentimes seems like a fragile, distant thing that we all know what it is but don’t know how to develop. Your self-esteem is a compilation of how you feel about yourself. It encompasses everything from your confidence in relationships, to your body image, to your work life. So how do you foster this “thing” in your children?

We teach our children “honesty is the best policy.” This applies to how we deal with our children as much as it does expecting them to be honest with us. When it comes to your child’s self-esteem, he or she will know or be able to sense if you are not being honest. For example, if art is not your child’s top skill, don’t say that his or her drawing is the best you’ve ever seen. Your child will know it’s not, and will not believe you the next time you say something meant to be positive, no matter how honest it is. Instead, tell your child something genuine about the piece or the effort. Make non-judgmental statements such as, “You really used your imagination in making the flowers many different colors.” This simply states your observation, rather than a false statement.

Also, understand that your child and your child’s behavior are two separate things. This can be very hard to remember, particularly when your child is acting out in ways that make you crazy or that are unsafe. However, when you discipline your child for the behavior rather than the person, you can positively influence and foster self esteem. Why? If your child feels that you are mad, because of who he or she is as a person rather than for the behavior, this can negatively affect your child’s self-esteem. Using “I” statements helps with this. Say something like, “I don’t like it when you leave your toys scattered all over the floor,” which also addresses the behavior, rather than, “You are a slob,” which attacks their character.

Let your child make some decisions. Children are in a situation where everyone else is constantly telling them what to do, when to do it, where to go, and more. When children are allowed to make some choices, even if it’s something small, they learn to be self-reliant. You don’t want your children growing up feeling dependent on others for direction. Simple choices such as what to wear (you can offer two or three choices) or choosing a special lunch item will foster your child’s being able to think independently.

Encourage your children to try new things. While there’s nothing wrong with encouraging your child’s talents–this will help build self-confidence as well–it’s also important that your children learn to experiment. Trying new things helps everyone overcome fears of the unknown and helps us learn to deal with success and failure. If a child never learns to try new things, this can create problems later in life. After all, most people do not live in world where everything is the same day after day. Life is constantly changing, whether it’s a move to a new city or starting a new career. If children are experienced at trying new things, even if small, life’s bigger transitions will be much easier–such as leaving for college and starting a career.