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Adam Bergen
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Life inevitably slaps you in the face.
You can try as long as you possibly can to avoid it, but it’s coming.
It sounds depressing, because some people consider it such. In fact, there’s a reason depression exists — life becomes overwhelming and hard to manage. And I know it goes way deeper than that, and I can’t do it justice explaining it in one sentence.
I know, because I was depressed at one point.
Losing a parent, stuck in a career I hated, and multiple failed relationships under my belt…I went over the edge.
I played the victim card. I played the blame game. I lamented how life was fucking tough and how badly it sucked.
But I found my way back. You always do if you give it enough time.
Here’s part of the secret: you need to realize life will never be easy, and more importantly, you need to realize life is tough.
There’s no way to avoid it. But life as a whole is meant to be a good experience if you let it.
Wrap your head around this notion, because you’ll be far better off. There are no doubt a few bitter truths about life; here’s five I’ve learned over the years.
1. You’ll experience the death of a loved one
No need to prepare for it; you can’t.
You can try, but you’re swimming against the current. It’ll take a lot of energy out of you that could be put towards other things. And when it does hit, you won’t be prepared anyway.
I thought about it here and there over time, wondering what it would be like. Then it happened.
I wasn’t prepared for it.
The best you can do is two-fold: make sure you’re on good terms with those in your life who matter, and make sure you give them the support they need.
The rest is out of your control.
2. People will take advantage of you and get away with it
A lot of times you can put a stop to it because you’ve matured enough to set boundaries in your life.
But up until then, it’s a learning experience.
I was a doormat, so to speak, for many of the women I dated. I was easy to take advantage of; I always tried anything I could to keep the relationship afloat.
They sniffed it out and used it in their favor.
Remember, it’s human nature to take advantage where you can. Doesn’t always mean it’s a bad thing. We’re blessed with being the smartest creature around and our brains work in overtime to always find the fastest, most efficient way to do or achieve something.
Sometimes, we do it and achieve great things as a human race (such as our space program). Sometimes, we do it at the expense of someone else. And that’s a bad thing.
As much as I wanted to blame those who took advantage of me (and I did), I can’t. I let it happen. I stayed in the relationship — I had the choice to walk away and I didn’t.
But on some occasions, even with boundaries, people will inevitably take advantage of you and you won’t see it coming. It’s a part of life. It’s an easy filter to cut them out, but it still sucks in the moment.
3. There is someone better looking, smarter, more successful, and happier than you. Probably all at the same time.
This is why we can’t focus on comparing ourselves. We still do it anyway.
Tons of people out there will always have it better than you in most categories of life, for as long as you live. More money, better looks, a successful career, better partner. You can’t worry about it. You have to find what’s right for you.
Not happy with your job? Change it.
Not happy with your partner? Change it.
Not happy with your success? Change it.
Even if you achieve everything you desire, if you look hard enough you’ll find someone who you’re envious of.
Run your own race. Stay in your lane. Water your own grass. Don’t count other people’s money.
That’s four ways of saying the same thing: worry about yourself.
4. Even with hard work, things don’t always work out
Just because you work hard at something doesn’t mean it’ll be a success.
People have this notion that hard work equals success.
So they go about working hard at one thing, giving it their all, and it doesn’t pan out.
And just like that, they’ve convinced themselves it’s not possible to succeed.
The notion that hard work equals success is true. But here’s the difference: you have to work hard over a long period of time to achieve success. It probably won’t happen with the first thing you try your hardest at.
The law of averages works its magic here — hard work must be done over a long period of time.
Failures are inevitable, even with hard work. It’s up to you to pick things up again and try really hard at something else, instead of assuming success isn’t meant for you.
5. People walk out of your life without explanation, even if you deserve one
I think we’ve all experienced this with friends and romantic partners.
Hell, even family isn’t immune here.
I’ve been in several dating scenarios where my partner decides they’ve had enough and basically just disappear on me. Or tell me it’s over and never provide a reason why.
Friends have done the same.
As much as you deserve an explanation, they don’t have to give you one.
And it’s up to you to be mature enough, and be confident enough in who you are, to understand it’s OK and you’ll be fine. And most importantly, that you don’t necessarily need an explanation to survive and move on.
People come and go in your life for specific reasons.
A lot of times, you’ll understand why. Sometimes, you won’t.
Keep moving forward anyway.
Life is tough, and while it’s not always fair…it’s a journey worth taking.
Nerdome 